Verde que te quiero verde

For the last few days I have become glued to my computer. This does not bode very well to my parental responsibilities. I let my children watch as much tv as they please and eat lots of choclate.

But the events in Iran are extraordinary I am hoping that something may change and I am afraid that there will be bloodshed, I am ashamed to be at safety of my home in England and I am jealous of people who are putting their lives in the line; nothing can compare with these acts of courage if you want personal growth. I watch the young girl who almost out of naughtiness kicks the riot police in the butt and cannot contain my amazement, or chador clad women who seemingly come to the aid of the man on the ground being savagely beaten by police. I am proud of Iranians, proud of women who attack the police with their shopping bags, enough is enough. I am proud of the police who stand in the sidelines and try hard not to smile at the protesters. I am so glad we are not a nation of professionals. Imagine what would happen if the police were real professional. I see the protesters protecting the fallen riot police and taking them away from the wrath of the crowd.

I read a friend of a friend on facebook to comment that Mousavi is a vampire like the rest of the government. He is right; but the fact is we were all vampires at one point. We all have blood on our hands, at least those of us who can remember the revolution. We became vampires when we looked with pleasure on the pictures of the executed Hoveida, Zahedi and the rest of the Shah's men. We killed them without trial and without dignity, we denied their humanity out of revenge and blood thristiness and we were so proud of that. Sympathy for them was considered almost criminals. That is when we became vampires. Do not get me wrong, they were not my favourite men in the world and deserved some sort of punishment specially those involved in killing the innocent.

We may blame the Islamic Republic for hijacking the 1979 revolution but the fact is everyone was blood thristy and almost any group who would gain power would have killed many. The mild manner Bazargan did not have public support for the exact reason that he was not "revolutionary enough".

I read English media and they are all so pessimistic about Iran, specially Robert Fisk who has reported for 30 years in middle east and perhaps is right not to have high hopes. But the fact is that no matter what comes out of this page in Iranian history, Iran will not be the same. Iranians have fought for 150 years against tyranny. Every generation fights its own fight, and every generation is seemingly "defeated". From the constitutional revolution to Massadegh to 1979 and to 1998 and now and all the mini revolutions and protests in between. We get defeated, we become cynical but somehow the bannar is passed to the next generation.

1979 revolution was different we finally won, the revolution may have been hijacked as some say or it may have been Islamic from beginning I leave these for the historians to argue about. Whatever happened after 1979 was from within and not some meddling from outside. With Islamic Republic the first seeds of debate and plurality were planted. To narrow down the debate many children of the revolution were slaughtered. People like me felt completely unrepresented by their government, but there were lively debates non the less. Right from the beginning these factions fought their fights in public arenas, in newspapers and in the parliment. And at some point they had improsined and executed so much, I can only guess, that they had only themselves to kill. At the beginning I could not care less what they fought over, but in the late 80's when there was some openning, it meant I had better access to books and that made a very big difference to me so I became interested in their debates.

There was not a free society as far as freedom of expression went but neither was it a police state. And that was enough for Iranians. In that small space Iranians grew and matured politically and with them some of the old revolutionaries. Most people know what happened in Khatami era.

The revolution in 1979 has made us who we are today. We took our destiny in our own hands and we made a mess of it but we have learned a lot. That is the beauty when it is a homegrown movement and not a foreign intervention. We have also stopped blaming west for our ills because these ills now are of our own making.

Unfortunately along with the seeds of debate and pluralism some monstreous ideas agerminated as well. Some long dead practices like stoning (my historian friends would enlighten me but I do not remember any moment that stoning was enforced in the long Islamic history except at the beginning) were resurrected and new ideas more akin to fascism were given islamic clothing.

These may have been handy at the time as tools of repression for a new government insecure in itself but ideas can be very dangerous. They have a life of their own even when they have outlived their usefulness. These ideas have matured and are a force to reckon with.

From my visits, I have found Iran to be very different from the Iran I left. It is full of talent and creativity and dynamism, but I also found small but sizeable minority to have grown very radical, more radical than anything I remember from 80's. Mousavi has had a hand in both sides and let us see if he can redeem himself.

And today I remember all who lost their lives in Iraq-Iran war and those who were executed by Islamic Republic. Today is testament that the blood you shed was not in vain. Some of you died to defend us from the enemy without and some of you died to defend us from the enemy within. Some of you died because you believed in a forbidden faith and you showed us the ugliness of our souls. To me you were all heros. Today your younger brothers and sisters and your children are fighting. Iranians may lose this fight again no one knows but Iranians shall not be defeated. I only pray to God (even if he does not exist) to protect us from becoming vampires again.